(But so do adults.) Whether your child's other parent has passed away or is permanently absent for another reason, share positive memories of the absent parent. Your child's request to live with your ex doesn’t have to be seen as a negative evaluation of who you are as a person or a parent. Indeed, most kids don’t lie to hurt their parents. I don’t believe lying in children is a moral issue. Some continuously over-spend and live beyond their means, while others keep finances a secret and pretend like money doesn't matter. When one parent is granted physical custody by the court, or via an agreement, children sometimes express their desire to live with their other parent. Explain how lying breaks down trust and you need to trust each other,” says Arnall. Allowing parents to feel they are protecting their children is crucial to their long-term well-being, Rosenberg says, especially when the child’s illness is terminal. Parents want their kids to grow up to be independent and effective members of society but some of the most common parenting phrases has the opposite effect. Though the questioning parent believes the reason for asking was innocent, he or she may precipitate alienation between their children and the other parent. They have to feel like they did the right thing.” Share the Evidence Behind Truth-Telling The overt goal is almost always - at a minimum - to dramatically reduce contact by the child with that other parent. There are times teens may lie for no good reason other than to keep part of their lives to themselves, unencumbered and uninfluenced by the input of parents or teachers. They lie because there’s something else going on. For a child whose parents have recently divorced or separated, getting used to moving between living with one parent and the other separately isn't easy. Your child will likely have questions about what her other parent was like, especially if the absence began when she was very young. Tell your parent that you need to talk about something that’s important to you. For better or worse, parents teach their children how to lie and then get upset when their children use deception for their own purposes. Subject: What to do when one parent tells child to lie to the other parent? Soles also says that it’s important to understand the reasons parents choose to lie to their children. Yes, kids lie. What’s going in on a child’s mind when they lie to their parents? Many states have started to consider a child’s stated preference for the parent with whom the child wishes to reside when the child reaches 12 or 13. One parent is designated as the primary custodial parent and the other parent has visitation. If you never show affection and love to your partner/spouse in front of your child, the child does not develop a barometer for what love is or what it looks like. Children who are suffering with this situation have been subjected to an intense and persistent form of brainwashing by one parent against the other. Q: Let’s look at it from the child’s perspective. Telling your parent you want to live with your other parent can be difficult, but by explaining your reasons and staying calm, you’ll find it easier. “The family has to survive the death of their child. Make sure your child knows he can always tell you if he’s asked to keep a secret. Parents who argue with their children lose 100% of the time. As I write this article, our law firm just won a contempt action, and the judge found the mother guilty of over 20 counts of contempt for her failure to abide by a child … They may feel that if they make a choice it will lessen the conflict they have to live with. 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